do I write about what we've done or what I think we should be doing?

Here's the thing. In my heart I am an unschooler or autonomous home educator (not sure what the precise difference is.)

In my head, I am a structured home educator complete with workbooks, plans and time tables.

I can spend hours planning, and sometimes it amounts to nothing. I am very much a shining example of best laid plans that fall by the wayside. Mostly because a child becomes ill/ the car breaks down/ some thing more exciting happens.

My only and eldest daughter likes a plan. She spends about thirty minutes on maths and English workbooks each day, and is teaching herself (with my help) French and Cursive Handwriting. She needs to work and likes the challenges and sense of accomplishment.

The boys though - as I have blogged before - mostly want to play and play and play. Legos, Magnext, Army Men, wooden blocks, Happy Land, dinosaurs, farms, cars and tea sets are the most common forms of play at the moment. These are the things that take up most of their mornings. I see progress here too, but not the kind that would fit any national curriculum tick box, at least not without some serious wrangling. I see ever more complicated and elaborate Lego and Magnext designs, the army men being sorted and organised into groups and books about world war two being devoured and re-enacted.

We read alot together too. Our librarian is always amazed that we can and do go through twenty four pictures books (minimum) a week. Books are a huge part of our life. We have over stuffed bookcases in every room except the bathroom, and together we read on average six picture books a day and a chapter book a week.

So my heart is telling me that love and play is The Thing. This is the way and future, and that there will be time for other types of learning, "for every thing there is a season."

But I am afraid.

I am afraid to tell people that this is what we do. "We play all day" sounds incredibly lame to some people, and I don't want to be judged by them. I'm shallow and I will admit that I value their opinions. I haven't evolved enough as a home educator to shrug off the negative comments and be proud and loud about what we do and how it works.

There is also that large black box of EVIL in the corner. I get all weird and freaky about the TV. I don't really like the kids watching it. I only watch the odd film myself so it's not as though I am being a hypocrite. Yet, I know true autonomy is letting the children find their own path, and that my current TV ban between the hours of 8:30 a.m. and 4.00 p.m. probably mean I am not a true follower. Sorry, I can't help it. The looks on their faces after about half an hour of TV creeps me out.

I don't know what "we" are, and I'm disappointed in my need to pigeonhole myself. I suppose it's that built in human need to belong...especially when you are already in a minority such as home education.

At the moment, I am content to be, to ponder, create, love and play. I do however reserve the right to change my mind.

Now, if that isn't true autonomy I don't know what is....by Jove, I think I've got it.