40 minutes

I had a big little scare recently. I didn't blog about it much because I didn't really want to think about it, nor did I want to look back and feel the horrible cold hand of fear gripping me when I go through the archives. It had its plus points though.

Made me realise that the life I have is a precious one. May be not significant on a big global scale but important to me and to those I love. It is also the only one I'll have, so I want to make real use of it and live very much in the present. I've seen a lot of people blogging about this, about taking time to relish in the moment, to acknowledge what is happening right at this very moment. I want to feel that more but it doesn't come naturally to me.

It also put in perspective the nagging worry I've had about the dirty windows/ Eb's refusal to learn timestables/ Mbs naked fetish/ the kitchen tiles (I know) and all the other million and one tiny little things that really don't matter in the big life picture. It will not matter if Eb doesn't know what eight times twelve is, he is intelligent enough to work it out. It is more important that he knows he is loved, knows he has worth and to find his purpose in life, what ever that may be. (Sometimes I think it is to make his sister hopping mad as often as possible.)

Living in the moment requires some serious planning ahead. This is a statement I am fast realising to be so very true. People need feeding, clothing and houses need some cleaning in order to be maintained to a level that allows you to live in that moment without drowning in dirt and filth. So we have a new plan - a 40 minute clean up each day broken in to two 15 minute sessions and one 10 minute session, and what doesn't get done in that time, doesn't get done.

It works.

I set the timer, delegate easier chores to the kids (they actually like sweeping and dusting) and then we all work like mad for the agreed time until we hear beep!beep!beep! Then we down tools and get on with living.

Feeding is actually OK - I quite like cooking and as long as I remember to order a grocery delivery this one isn't too scary or time consuming. I'm also trying to teach the children more and more culinary skills, and it is unexpectedly nice way to spend time with them. I only teach them one to one so I get to have a conversation with that person for the whole time. Group sessions quickly turn into a food fight or a tear stained argument.

Taking life slowly has never been some thing to come natural to me, so I am really having to work at this. Learning to say "no" when invited to do some thing is a challenge but I'm getting there. Our calender looks more manageable, I'm not looking at the following week with a sinking feeling of how I am going to get every one to every where. It's nice.

We're also doing less schooly work. The kids are spending about 40 minutes each morning doing some maths and literacy things, then the rest of the day is given over to what we want to do, either individually or as a family.

This has evolved over time, but I've found it very hard to let go. I started out thinking of home education as school-at-home, and now it really doesn't look like that. I still search for the educational benefits in what they are doing, but I've started to see that they are self motivated and wanting to learn, and that there is education in every thing, so I don't need to look that hard.

Slowing down and noticing has been a gift to me. To see Od reading a book about Salvador Dali and saying how she prefers Van Gogh to Dali because she finds Dali's work "too plain" whereas Van Gogh's paintings are "alive" just completely blows me away. I never expected my nine year old to talk like this. (Although I don't know if I agree with her!)

To see Eb reading about and experimenting with the laws of physics, Mb making up clever and creative stories for Shrek, who is now adoring his older sibling, instead of trying to Mame him at every opportunity. To realise, with a jolt, that they are growing, and that one day, too soon, they will be up and away, and that these ideas and discussions they are having now, will be the very things that shape them and lead them away from me and into their adult selves is just......brain exploding, quite frankly.