The Deed is Done.

As of Friday next week, I will be a full time home educating mother. I am almost paralysed by fear. I am also very excited about the future and all its possibilities. Term time holidays, no more school uniform, no more packed lunches.

I would be lying if I didn't say that a little bit of me is sad too, because I really had nothing against the little infant school the boys were at, it was just stopping us from doing so much.

I am feeling not unlike I did when pregnant, a curious mix of excitement, nervousness of what is to come, sadness at what will never be again, and elation. To reflect this mood I am listening to some classical music (Puccini if you are interested), interspersed with the times tables song CD that has proven a hit in our house recently.

Everyone says that this is the rubbish bit, the making of the decision and worrying about whether you have done the right thing. It just seems so momentous today. Tomorrow, I will feel fine about it, but right now I have a sicky nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I had when I first took OD out, but that went away pretty quickly.

I also wonder - but not worry - about what friends and family are going to say about it. To take one child out is understandable, but to take out three looks careless.

I cannot ponder on this any longer now though, OD has a friend round to play, and they are busy upstairs making obstacle courses for the guinea pigs and I promised I would bring up drinks and snacks to the engineering team.

I also have to go and get some ideas of what to do with ALL of the children....just when I was starting to sleep at nights.