Keep calm and....

There are lots of those around at present. You can keep calm and do practically anything. Keeping calm will always be something I have to work on, I've come to realise that inner peace is a gift you have to earn. I'm sure it comes simply to some people, indeed my Eb is blessed with zen like qualities that I can only hope to develop. The flip side of this is that when he does blow, it is with a scary volcanic quality. It is a rare occasion but a terrifying one. For me there was a turning point that I remember very clearly. My middle boy asked me if I was in my bad mood or my stressed mood. Shoot me now. I felt at that moment that all of the time and energy I had invested into being the best parent I could be was for nothing. Ohmygodtheythinkimamonster. That was the sentence that rushed though my head. Bum. Triple Bum. I asked them if they thought I was happy, and the answer wasn't what I hoped for. "Sometimes" I made a decision then to find the happy in every day. The happy can be as small as a cup of coffee drunk whilst still warm or as big as a day out somewhere new. I've been treating myself better too. Early nights, nice things to eat, time to myself. Not big things, not even expensive things but things that we all know we need and yet as mothers deny ourselves for a multitude of unfathomable reasons. Find the happy, and you find the calm. Find the calm and you can carry on. You can more than carry on, you can keep calm and love your life.