listening not talking

When I was at school, the teacher would regularly say "God gave you two ears and one mouth, so listening is more important than speaking."

Not sure I ever agreed with this on a technical basis, but I do think that I need to learn to shut up.

It's not a natural skill for me.

I am one of those who feels the urge to fill any pauses with conversation.  Not even conversation.

Babble.

Sometimes, when I'm speaking I can even hear the little voice in my head saying "Will you just shut up NOW"

If I can hear the voice in my head, chances are other people are hearing it in theirs too.

So.  Listening.

I couldn't go cold turkey and just not speak.  That would be weird.

So instead I've been making a concerted effort to ask more questions.  If I feel there is a pause in conversation and I need, need, NEED to fill the void, then I'll fill it with a question.  It's a talent my children have already mastered.

I am most likely to be at my quietest when I'm driving, especially locally as there are hair pin bends and narrow lanes a-plenty which summon all my concentration.  Today is an excellent example.  Just as I was reversing round a U shaped corner (and praying nothing was zooming up behind me) Od broke the silence and asked if trees naturally stopped growing at a set height, like people do, or whether it is weather/ people/ animals the predetermine a tree's size.

Excellent question.

We still don't know the official answer, but it got everyone in the car suggesting their own theories.

It was also at this time, when I was silent and driving last Monday, that Eb decided to tell me about some racism he witnessed at his old school over three years ago.  He didn't call it racism, he simply said that he remembers a brown boy at his school who was always picked on by two white boys, and how he always wanted to say something but he was scared of the two boys as well so he didn't.  I was more than a little surprised at this.

Then a horrible thought struck me.  Had I really filled in all the potential silences over the past few years?  How many times had he tried to say this but not wanted to cut across my inane babble?  I asked and he said that he just thought of it then, and he didn't know why.

I check in with my kids all the time.  I probably ask all of them "Are you OK?" several times a day.  I mostly get a yes or no answer.  I like to think that as we are together so much, I'd be able to spot if something was amiss.  I am maybe giving myself too much credit though.  I am one adult trying to service the needs of four children.  In all the housework, clearing up and general duties, perhaps I am missing something.

I am feeling a need to listen to them better, to slow down and find out in a bit more detail how they are.

I've decided to delve a bit deeper.  Instead of simply asking "Are you alright?"  I'm going to try and take some time to ask each of them on a weekly basis how they are in more detail.  The idea is to spend an  evening checking in with each child individually, asking how their week went and what they want to do the following week.

I'm sure it will feel a bit contrived to start with, but I'm hoping it will become more natural over time.

Now, if God could just bring me another set of ears to even things up, I'll be all set.