Night time rituals and other disgusting things....

We have many children in our house. They outnumber the grownups two to one. Night times are a weird alternative universe. Some times (although not since child number four came along) they sleep all night.

Other nights strange and bizarre happenings occur. DD sleep walks. Normally to the bottom of my bed where she stands, wide eyed, completely asleep like in a horror film. I get up (after checking she isn't holding any sharp instruments or chanting "red rum",) and steer her back to her room. Then just as I am dozing Shrek wakes up for feeding. I normally wake up to find him sprawled out on my lap, as I have once again passed out mid feed and am now freezingly cold, and stiff from sleeping sitting up.

So, I settle Shrek back down to sleep. Then the Mischievous Pixie that is darling son number two will wake up, telling us he has wet the bed. Some times he has, some times it is drool. So we go through the sheet swapping routine, all still trying to pretend I am still asleep. I can change sheets with my eyes closed. This surely is a skill.

Eldest Son never wakes up. He loves his bed and normally has to be dragged from it every morning. I love him.

Now, this is surely enough to get most people down. I am considering contacting the SAS to see if they want to make it part of their torture training - it's a modern twist on sleep deprivation.

However, last night topped it all, and made me see my husband in a whole other way......MP (Mischievous Pixie - I really need to come up with some better code names for the kids,) woke up. He got in to Husbands side of the bed. No mention of wet beds so I assumed just wanting some company. Other than that I sleep soundly.

I wake to husband snugged right up "spooning" I believe it is known as. I think to myself, "He can forget it." I try to shove him back to his side of the bed and encounter a load of towels. I sit bolt upright, a sense of dread upon me "Why are there lots of towels in the bed, dearest?" I enquire.

Cue sheepish look.

Turns out MP had taken a wrong turn, missed the bathroom and had come in and PEED in our bed. Husband too knackered to wake me up to change sheets, just lays down most of our clean towels to suck it up, and then steals my bed space for the rest of the night.

Ladies and Gentlemen, A New Low!