(Is it a sign, that I wrote this whole post out and then accidentally deleted the whole thing without saving? Should I not enter into this thought process and then share it with the world wide web?)***
I read Stephanie's post here, which got me thinking, as she quite often does.
Od and I are often at odds with each other. She is quite quick to point out where I am going wrong, and she likes to have the last word, as do I.
Is it OK to admit that you love your child, even though they have the ability to drive you crazy?
Isn't that like saying "I love you but...."
Od is quite simply my most favourite ten year old in the wide world. I watch her playing her violin, riding a horse, reading to a brother, making herself a sandwich, training Rodney and I am over whelmed with how amazing she is. I don't love her because of the things she does or doesn't do. I love her for her and all the big and little parts that make up this ever growing, changing and thinking daughter before me.
She does drive me crazy though. They all do at one time or another. Is it them, or is it the demands that they have that drive me crazy?
In our house, one to one time is precious. I have limited help from family, so moments are grabbed when ever they present themselves.
These moments, where I am able to give my time wholly to one small person, are when I am reminded how it is circumstance which causes me to shout and get angry.
It is not the small person.
I just need to remember that next time the table is swimming in spilt orange juice.
3 comments:
You are so right Kelly, I really needed to read this today, I am so prementrual and cross and tearful! Spilt drinks are a real bugbear of mine, lol!
I think its the sheer amount of things that need to be done in a day without even starting on the home ed that leaves me overwhelmed and shouty, I know even at the time of getting cross it isn't really the childrens fault, but somehow some days things pile up and it all becomes too much. Although my mum comes and visits often, she doen't help with children, and living in the middle of nowhere, sometimes I don't see anyone else for days and that lack of adult company make me feel lonely, which sounds silly with all these children about hey! My 9 yr old daughgter drives me crazy for all the same reasons, bless her, but I couldn't live without her!
Hope the rest of your day is lovely and peaceful (with no more spilt drinks!)
I was cheerful just a few minutes ago... thinking about how I wanted to make cupcakes (right now, before the babes wake up) so that they'll be all ready for decorating, later.
And wondering what games we'll play, and thinking about what my needs are for the day. (Happy children! Fun! Just watching them and being amazed... going along for the ride!)
So I cleaned off the kitchen table (so I could put my laptop on it, near the window), and had the thought that I should wrap some electrical tape around the wires near the plug, so it doesn't quit working before I can buy yet another cord... so for electrical tape I started looking, my eyes crossed over a huge mess of laundry, and I inwardly groaned. THen I went looking for the tape downstairs, and saw the pile of things that needed to be carried downstairs. Then I went into the playroom to look for the tape, and saw what a mess it was.
Totally started getting panicky! "Don't freak! Don't freak!" I told myself. Then I just said, "You can have everything in perfect order in three days. It's not that bad. Three days! It will be alright."
Three days is reasonable - leaves plenty of time for playing with the babes, still. And making arty cuppycakes.
The point is.... yup... what Liz said. From a place of imperfection. Gotta find a calm, happy center inside, so we can deal with the stuff on the outside. oof.
It's not like saying I love you but... at all. It's like saying I love you completely, because no one is perfect. She probably wouldn't drive you so crazy if you didn't love her so much.
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